Seeking...

This morning as I was cleaning up the breakfast mess, I was reflecting on just how rough the morning and even days before had been. There had been sickness, physical but it was more than that. There was an aura that reeked of sickness. Not physical but emotional sickness.

Heart sickness you might say. There was the stench of unhappiness both on my kids parts and mine.

As I continued to reflect, I heard the Lord speak to my heart. I am angry and for quite a silly reason. I am angry because I am not the mother that I want to be. The mother that I'm called to be. My attitude stinks of unhappiness but what my kids don't know is that it's unhappiness with myself, not them.

Deepening my reflection, I became more and more angry. I feel convicted and called to be a more intentional mother but how? If He's going to call me to do something, shouldn't He be guiding me?

Praying, I decided that I needed quiet time. I need to dive in the Word.

I remembered that our recent sermon series have been coming from the book of Proverbs so I began there.

Proverbs 15...

The first verse smacked me upside the face. It hit so hard that it hurt. Physically.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

My answers to my children had been harsh, even hateful. And while they continue to forgive me - time and time again, the anger comes on my part. The anger that I cannot control my tongue and feelings.

So today, I am working on the first verse. (I am so ashamed that I couldn't make it to the second but this is going to be a work in progress). I am going to work on showing love through my answers to my children. I refuse for the Devil to have a strong hold on my tongue and cause hurt to the children that I love.

 I refuse. I am taking a stand.

That brings me to the second part. This blog.

I have for a long time been writing in journals because I want to some day pass on the knowledge that I have learned through this season to my daughters (Lord willing) and daughter in laws. But today it struck me, I might not be alone. There might be young mothers and sisters in Christ who need to hear what I'm saying and walk with me as I learn.

Why hold out for tomorrow what could be used today?

So this blog is going to move from only physical nourishment to nourishment abroad. Nourishment of the soul.

I'm scared. I fear that now that I have proclaimed Jesus over my home, family, parenting and writing that He's going to use me in ways that I'm not ready for. But I am joyous and ever so grateful that I'm proclaiming Jesus and banishing the Devil. I feel peace and joy abound.

Join me as I journey deeper into His words and learn. Learn His plan for me and Lean -lean on Him. Give Him control. Today, I am giving Him control of my tongue...