The Imaginary Land of Equality

Every little girl grows up dreaming of being a wife and a mama, correct?

Um. No. Not this girl. She was never going to have children. She was going to be a doctor. An independent woman. She'd only answer to herself.

Enter God's snickers.

You plan. God laughs.

Yep.

Now here comes marriage and babies and a husband that wants her to stay home and care for the babes.

Um. What?!

I fought it. Goodness I fought it. I still fight it. Its ugly.

Why should I stay home and scrub baby butts and dishes while HE gets to go to work and talk to adults?! Be his own person! Have an identity! *Stomps foot*

Here I go. Here is my bold statement. My belief. My opinion. I'm ready for the old fruit to be tossed...

The feminist movement that continues. The cry for equality is a door Satan uses to get a foothold on the mother's heart and in turn the family. Mother's are the heart of the family.

*Duck and weave*

Women have become discontent with their lives because they have began comparing their roles to the husbands.

I often find myself looking at my husband. He looks tough but he's no tougher than I am. He is brilliant but he's no smarter than I am. Seriously, what makes him anything special to be the leader of the home, the ultimate decision maker?!

Um. God's word. Simply put.

But I want you to realize that they head of every man is Christ and the head of woman is man... - 1 Corinthians 11:3

Oy vey. How does my hormonal cray, cray self come that was going to be an independent woman (Cue Beyonce!) deal with such madness?

This is the first place I find myself. I want to be the man. I want to be the decision maker and the leader. I want to be the provider. I am bossy.

With another babe on the way, I find myself strugglingn with this again. And where do I need to find myself? At the foot of the cross. Not only submitting to the Lord but submitting to my husband.

Oh good grief! Not the dreaded "S" word!

SUBMIT?!

Oy vey. What makes  my husband so special?! How is he that I am to submit?!

 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5:22-24

Now that is a  hard pill to swallow but here is the thing. When I stop fighting my call to submit to my husband, there is FREEDOM and love!  Weird, isn't it? When I finally submit to God's word and submit myself to the Lord and give my selfish yearnings and MY FIRST! attitude, I am free. Free to embrace my role as wife, mother and keeper of the home. An amazing feeling!

I need not fear and feel like I am losing my "rights" by having another babe. Because of God's mandated role, I am free to embrace being a mom and having another baby.

So how am I going to walk in the Word and be joyful about my role as a woman?

Honestly, I am still going to struggle. I need to continually submerge myself in the Word and in prayer. Daily, I am going to have to give over my need to have control (oh man!) to the Lord and ask Him to use me.

If I make this sound easy, believe me, there is nothing further from the truth. However, I can do all things with Christ!

He Uses the Blessings to Test Our Faith

Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord - Psalm 127:3

You pee on the stick and look down. Pregnant! How exciting! You cannot wait to call your husband and share the news! Pregnant?! Wow....

What happens when those are not the feelings of jublilation you feel when you learn the news? 

Surely. Something is wrong. What kind of mother and person am I?

For months, I have been feeling like a failure. A failure in joy. A failure in relishing in the blessing of a baby. A failure as a daughter of the king. 

I have been annoyed with my children. Less than thrilled with my husband and pushing away all that could possibly see me as a fraud. 

At church we have been studying the will of doing the things of the Lord versus doing the evil things of the world. We feel pulled to do good but at the same time, feel pulled to do things that bring us further from Christ. 

For the past week, I have been quietly thinking about how Satan takes something that is supposed to be so joyful and wages spiritual battle using it. He is a crafty snake. 

Why am I sharing this? Why am I allowing myself to look like a horrible mother? Allowing my transparency to set me up for judgement? Because if I feel this way, surely someone else does as well. Surely someone else questions God's plan. Surely I am not alone.  

One day, my sons will marry. Some day, Lord willing, I will have daughters you will be questioning their sanity and wondering how they can possibly be equipped to be the mother they long to be. Someday I want them to read this and know, they, with God's help, will have victory.

The bottom line is my faith is not where it should be. My focus is on the things of this world. I am running from what God has planned for me. I fear I am inadequate. I fear I will have to die to my desires and I am selfish. I do not trust that He holds the future in His hands. 

We know the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. - Romans 7:14

Join me as for the next few weeks, I dive into the Word and seek His calling for me, a mother, a help-meet and a daughter of the King.