A Gift

The same argument.

The same consequence.

Over and over again.

Time and time again.

So many times I get discouraged. What am I do? Am I doing it right?

I must not be. They don't hear me. What is going on?

Day in and day out. Over and over. And now... My husband and I are discussing bringing our kids home from the government ran education system.

What. Am. I. Thinking?

Clearly I'm not.

But then I look to scripture...

Say what?! Is this a white elephant gift? These children are a gift from God?

Then I sit and watch.

A smile. A hug. Laughter. Sharing. Bickering. Learning. Belonging. Growing. Loving.

It is a gift. I am doing kingdom work. I am doing His work. I am shaping the future for the kingdom of God. I am raising an army.

These little squabbles are perplexing and aggravating but they are necessary. Necessary times for my to shepherd these young hearts. Times for my to choose grace instead of anger. Forgiveness instead of grudges.

We are on a journey together - child and mother. We are a long road to becoming the ones called us to be. We are His.

Even in the exhaustion in the day to day grind. Children are a gift. I am abundantly blessed to be called mother and raise them for the kingdom.

Balancing Dreams

Dreams are such a tricky thing.

I have such big dreams. Often times I wonder if they align with God's will.

I am certain they do NOT align with our wallet.

Balancing dreams are even more of a tricky thing.

Finding the balance between contentment and working towards those dreams is so tricky.

How do I save for the future and think of all the things I'd like to achieve but live in the today, knowing that we are not promised tomorrow?

Is being a mom and wife and staying home compatible with having dreams?

The only place the answer can be found is in the Word.

Commit to the Lord, whatever you do and He will establish your plans.  - Proverbs 16:3

Yearly Check-In

Wow! I guess I am really bad at updating.

A year... That's all.

A new baby.... That's all.

A girl! ... Wowza. 'Nough said.

This year is bringing a lot of changes in our lives and coming back to the table is bringing on yet another meaning.

It's been a hard year. A lot of school drama. A lot of family sickness. Just a lot of stuff.

Time to cowboy up. Work through it. And, you guessed it, write through it.

The Imaginary Land of Equality

Every little girl grows up dreaming of being a wife and a mama, correct?

Um. No. Not this girl. She was never going to have children. She was going to be a doctor. An independent woman. She'd only answer to herself.

Enter God's snickers.

You plan. God laughs.

Yep.

Now here comes marriage and babies and a husband that wants her to stay home and care for the babes.

Um. What?!

I fought it. Goodness I fought it. I still fight it. Its ugly.

Why should I stay home and scrub baby butts and dishes while HE gets to go to work and talk to adults?! Be his own person! Have an identity! *Stomps foot*

Here I go. Here is my bold statement. My belief. My opinion. I'm ready for the old fruit to be tossed...

The feminist movement that continues. The cry for equality is a door Satan uses to get a foothold on the mother's heart and in turn the family. Mother's are the heart of the family.

*Duck and weave*

Women have become discontent with their lives because they have began comparing their roles to the husbands.

I often find myself looking at my husband. He looks tough but he's no tougher than I am. He is brilliant but he's no smarter than I am. Seriously, what makes him anything special to be the leader of the home, the ultimate decision maker?!

Um. God's word. Simply put.

But I want you to realize that they head of every man is Christ and the head of woman is man... - 1 Corinthians 11:3

Oy vey. How does my hormonal cray, cray self come that was going to be an independent woman (Cue Beyonce!) deal with such madness?

This is the first place I find myself. I want to be the man. I want to be the decision maker and the leader. I want to be the provider. I am bossy.

With another babe on the way, I find myself strugglingn with this again. And where do I need to find myself? At the foot of the cross. Not only submitting to the Lord but submitting to my husband.

Oh good grief! Not the dreaded "S" word!

SUBMIT?!

Oy vey. What makes  my husband so special?! How is he that I am to submit?!

 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5:22-24

Now that is a  hard pill to swallow but here is the thing. When I stop fighting my call to submit to my husband, there is FREEDOM and love!  Weird, isn't it? When I finally submit to God's word and submit myself to the Lord and give my selfish yearnings and MY FIRST! attitude, I am free. Free to embrace my role as wife, mother and keeper of the home. An amazing feeling!

I need not fear and feel like I am losing my "rights" by having another babe. Because of God's mandated role, I am free to embrace being a mom and having another baby.

So how am I going to walk in the Word and be joyful about my role as a woman?

Honestly, I am still going to struggle. I need to continually submerge myself in the Word and in prayer. Daily, I am going to have to give over my need to have control (oh man!) to the Lord and ask Him to use me.

If I make this sound easy, believe me, there is nothing further from the truth. However, I can do all things with Christ!

He Uses the Blessings to Test Our Faith

Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord - Psalm 127:3

You pee on the stick and look down. Pregnant! How exciting! You cannot wait to call your husband and share the news! Pregnant?! Wow....

What happens when those are not the feelings of jublilation you feel when you learn the news? 

Surely. Something is wrong. What kind of mother and person am I?

For months, I have been feeling like a failure. A failure in joy. A failure in relishing in the blessing of a baby. A failure as a daughter of the king. 

I have been annoyed with my children. Less than thrilled with my husband and pushing away all that could possibly see me as a fraud. 

At church we have been studying the will of doing the things of the Lord versus doing the evil things of the world. We feel pulled to do good but at the same time, feel pulled to do things that bring us further from Christ. 

For the past week, I have been quietly thinking about how Satan takes something that is supposed to be so joyful and wages spiritual battle using it. He is a crafty snake. 

Why am I sharing this? Why am I allowing myself to look like a horrible mother? Allowing my transparency to set me up for judgement? Because if I feel this way, surely someone else does as well. Surely someone else questions God's plan. Surely I am not alone.  

One day, my sons will marry. Some day, Lord willing, I will have daughters you will be questioning their sanity and wondering how they can possibly be equipped to be the mother they long to be. Someday I want them to read this and know, they, with God's help, will have victory.

The bottom line is my faith is not where it should be. My focus is on the things of this world. I am running from what God has planned for me. I fear I am inadequate. I fear I will have to die to my desires and I am selfish. I do not trust that He holds the future in His hands. 

We know the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. - Romans 7:14

Join me as for the next few weeks, I dive into the Word and seek His calling for me, a mother, a help-meet and a daughter of the King. 

Sayonara Social Media

The screen on my cell phone that once held my Facebook, Messenger, Snapchat, and Twitter widgets is now bare. There's nothing but a picture of my smiling family in the background.

Now to start this post off honestly, I am quite the eccentric chick. When I get an idea in my mind, no matter the weird/wild factor, I'm all about it. I know this post might cause some of you to look at me and be like "Wowza. That mama has lost her noggin." but... Please. Please. Stick with me. Hear me out. Listen to my heart.

Today, December 1st, 2014, I am, for the time-being, saying sayonara to social media. I have deleted all of my accounts and removed all the installations from my phone. If you know me, you know this is huge. You know that I get super lonely as a stay-at-home mom and often reached out to people via Facebook. I would tweet all about the excitement of folding laundry. It was my way to the outside world. It was my escape.

As I type all of that, I am beginning to think I have lost my mind. I better dive right into the reasons behind my crazy toss of communication.

The NUMBER ONE reason is my walk with Christ. Sound absurd? Stick with me. Social media is not of itself a defining factor of sin in one's life but it became one with me. Instead of going to the Lord with problems or frustrations with the mundane of my life, I took my venting to the world wide web. I need to shut down the Facebook chat and seek out the Lord and His word. Hit my knees in prayer and crack open Life's Manual.

This leads into number two.... Women. We are our own worst enemies. If we aren't being hard on ourselves, we are being hard on each other. So. Much. Judgement. So much comparing. Once I was there venting on the world wide web, I began comparing and coveting what I saw before my eyes on the screen. Someone's house was always cleaner. Kids always cuter. Their body always better. Husband always helping more. I began to resent the blessings in which God had given me. I serve one gracious Father and He has given me much. It is time I shut the computer or put down the phone and rejoice in little faces He has given me or dance with the man He has made for me.

With number two easily came number three... (This is a hard one to admit, friends!) With the comparing and coveting, I began to, in black and white terms, lie. A lie is any manipulation of the truth. I would stage my house or stage my kids or clean a certain counter just for a photo to make my life and my family and myself appear to be a certain way. While we are indeed one cool bunch, we are in no way close to the perfect, put together family or people that I so longed to exude.

Parenting is my number four reason... Andy and I decided that THIS was the year we were going to follow through and cut back on Christmas gifts for the boys. As I was wrapping some of them today, my mind wondered to some of the posts of how much other moms spend and buy for their children. I began to doubt my conviction. I began to feel awful. So many times I feel strongly about a certain aspect of our arrow making and disciplining and then I get on social media and see what the Joneses are doing and let it fall by the wayside because I want my kids to have "normal". I cannot allow my convictions and calling as a parent to be swayed by the "normal" social media is portraying.

Number five.... TIME SUCK! "There is so much to do and no time to do it!!" I scream in a stressed, frazzled state. In all honestly, most things would be done if I just put down the phone or tablet and got down to business. There are so many things in my home, with my kids and in my church that can take the place of that down time at the computer.

SIX!! I get sad a lot. Besides horrific news, politics and everything else popping up in the feeds, I often felt left out and all alone. I'd see ladies doing things and posting pictures and my feelings would be hurt at not being involved. High school insecurities? Maybe but we all just want to fit in.

Last but not least.... When my boys are a little more grown and we are hanging out, I don't want them constantly texting, checking their phone and playing on Facebook when we are spending time together. I need to stop the cycle now!

Those are just some of the bigger reasons that I am saying Sayonara to social media.

What kind of affect does social media have on your life? Do you need to make changes? 

*In all transparency, I do still have a limited instagram account to keep up with some lovely graduates whom I adore. AND help me get the word out, with not being part of the social media world, how am I going to get my writings out?! :) I am one wise chick. (haha!) But in all seriousness, if you know of someone who might need to read this, share it with them. And PLEASE pray for me as I know I will be tested. <3 *

Monday Table Musings: The Table

I miss writing more than I ever thought I would. It's amazing. I have so many thoughts. So many good ideas. Every now and again, I even find I have wisdom and thoughts that bring forth sage advice. How strange. Me? A simple woman who the Lord redeemed and washed new? I crazy woman rockin' yoga pants and a mom pony tail... I - me, Jodi- might have some things to say that will shape the world for the better? That might meet someone right where they are? Might help reach my future daughters and wives of my sons? I just cannot believe that to be true.

But then... A small voice stirs and hear the Lord say, "I have a plan for you. You are still here for a reason. You will be used."

So here,again, I began writing. Praying that I will be used in any way the the Lord sees fit. Any way that I can bring him glory.

These musings all started this morning at my favorite place in our home. The table. It seems like such a simple thing but it's not. Our worn and dirty table is so much more.

As I sit here and write this post, these ramblings, here is my exact view. At first it looks like just a mere table. There are some crumbs, a toy and a lonely drink. Evidence of a little use and even less attention to cleaning but if you close your eyes and search beyond that you can see so much more. 

As I close my eyes, I see and even hear God's blessings. Here are a few... 

I see myself dragging down the stairs and wishing it wasn't so early but hear the laughter of three little men, that I have been entrusted with, sharing breakfast together and ready to tackle the day. My heart smiles. 

I see myself pouring a cup of tea and sitting with my Bible open. Praying for my children and begging for God to intercede where my babies need Him to throughout the day.  My heart leans on Him for our protection.

I see my head down on the table crying as I pray for those who are hurting. Myself included. I see my head lift to the ceiling as I feel His gentle touch and I know if I trust, it will all turn out. My heart clings to His promises.

I see games spilling over, off the table, on to the floor. My little man is loving every ounce of attention he is getting from me. His smile is vivid and full of joy. My heart sings.

I see a friend come over and we share in His word and laugh and hold on another accountable. Oh the smiles and reassurance that we are not alone. My heart sings praises of gratitude for bringing someone along who I can call and trust as a friend.

I see dinner being served. Smiles over conversations. Talking. Noisy talking. Love as we partake in a meal together. My heart is nourished.

I see my husband and I sit down with a snack and a cup of coffee. A small little time for us. A snuck in date. My heart feels such love.

A table is so much more than a piece of furniture. It hold so much more than folded laundry and papers. It is the center piece of my family. It brings us together. A table. A simplet table.

Thank you Jesus for our table.